177 Funny Quotes that Makes others Laugh

Funny Quotes On Love
Funny Quotes On Love

Everyone likes to laugh, here I have discussed more than 100 Funny quotes given by famous authors like Albert Einstein, George Carlin,  Elbert Hubbard etc. these quotes give much reason to laugh, so you will happy and joyful, spread happiness and enjoy your life with full confidence and peace.

Funny Quotes

Read 177 Funny Quotes that Makes others Laugh. Those quotes on Life, Friends, Birthday, Friendship, Books, Love, Motivation, Marriage, Sister, School, Gym, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Boys, Girls. Read Sarcastic Quotes

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life
Funny Quotes On Life

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
 A. A. Milne

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
 Casey Stengel

“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”
 Dylan Thomas

“Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!”
 Groucho Marx

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
 Billy Wilder

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
 Abraham Lincoln

Read more Abraham Lincoln Quotes

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”
 George Carlin

“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.”
 Andy Borowitz

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
 Elbert Hubbard

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”
 Al McGuire

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”
 Bryan White

“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
 Denis Waitley

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”
 Charles de Gaulle

Funny Quotes For Friends

Funny Quotes For Friends
Funny Quotes For Friends

“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”
 Bill Vaughan

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
 Albert Einstein

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
 George Carlin

“We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”
George Bernard Shaw

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
 Abraham Lincoln

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”
 Bill Maher

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
 Andy Rooney

“All men are equal before fish.”
Herbert Hoover

“Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”
Bertrand Russell

“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.”
 Alexander Woollcott

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
Groucho Marx

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
 Albert Einstein

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”
 Arthur C. Clarke

“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”
 Cynthia Heimel

Funny Quotes Birthday

Funny Quotes Birthday
Funny Quotes Birthday

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”
 Ashleigh Brilliant

“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
 Benjamin Franklin

“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
 Charles Wadsworth

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
 Bernard Baruch

“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
 Ann Landers

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
 George Carlin

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
 Benjamin Franklin

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
 Ambrose Bierce

“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”
 Bertrand Russell

“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”
 Bill Vaughan

Funny Quotes On Friendship

Funny Quotes On Friendship
Funny Quotes On Friendship

“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
 Betty White

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”
Abraham Lincoln

“Political correctness is tyranny with manners.”
 Charlton Heston

“The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.”
Sid Caesar

“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
 Billy Connolly

“My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”
 Walter Matthau

“Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.”
Desmond Morris

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
Albert Camus

“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
Groucho Marx

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”
 Billy Connolly

“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”
 Caroline Rhea

Funny Quotes About Books

Funny Quotes About Books
Funny Quotes About Books

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
 Bob Hope

“If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”
 Chuck Palahniuk

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
 Alan Dundes

“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”
 Fred Allen

“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”
 Benny Hill

“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”
 Edward Abbey

“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
 Ashleigh Brilliant

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
 Robert Frost

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
 Billy Sunday

“Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”
 Anton Chekhov

“Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”
 Bob Thaves

“As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.”
 Dick Cavett

“I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”
 Colonel Sanders

Funny Quotes On Love

Funny Quotes On Love
Funny Quotes On Love

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
 Bill Watterson

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
 Charles Lamb

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
 Charles M. Schulz

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
 Charlie Chaplin

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.”
 Clarence Darrow

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
 Buddy Hackett

“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
 Doug Larson

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh’”.
 Conan O’Brien

“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”
 Daniel J. Boorstin

“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.”
 Christopher Morley

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
 Dale Carnegie

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
 Steve Martin

“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”
 Clint Eastwood

Funny Quotes Motivation

Funny Quotes Motivation
Funny Quotes Motivation

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
 George Burns

“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
 Demetri Martin

“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’”
 Claude Pepper

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”
 Douglas Adams

“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”
 David Lee Roth

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
 Dalai Lama

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“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
 E. B. White

“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’”
 Conan O’Brien

“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.”
 Dave Barry

“Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.”
 David Letterman

“Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”
 Enid Blyton

“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”
 Don Marquis

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
 Elbert Hubbard

“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
 Dave Barry

Funny Quotes Short

Funny Quotes Short
Funny Quotes Short

“You’re only as good as your last haircut.”
 Fran Lebowitz

“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”
Douglas Adams

“If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”
 Henny Youngman

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
 Dr. Seuss

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“I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”

“To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”
 Doug Larson

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burnsv

“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
 Cullen Hightower

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
 Earl Wilson

“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
 Ernest Hemingway

“The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are.”
Terry Pratchett

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
 Erma Bombeck

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”
 Dorothy Parker

Funny Quotes On Sisters

Funny Quotes On Sisters
Funny Quotes On Sisters

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
 Douglas Adams

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
Carl Sagan

“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
 Eleanor Roosevelt

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
 Ellen DeGeneres

“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
 Emo Philips

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”
George Carlin

“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
 Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”
 Emo Philips

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
 Groucho Marx

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
 Emo Philips

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
 George Carlin

Funny Quotes On Marriage

Funny Quotes On Marriage
Funny Quotes On Marriage

21“It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”
Steven Weinberg

“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
 Erma Bombeck

“Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.”–
F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
 Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”
Solomon Schechter

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
 George Burns

“I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”
Fred Allen

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
 George Carlin

“To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.”
 George W. Bush

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
 Helen Rowland

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”
 Gertrude Stein

“A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.”
 H. L. Mencken

Funny Quotes About School

Funny Quotes About School
Funny Quotes About School

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”
 Harlan Ellison

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
 George Carlin

“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.”
Helen Rowland

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
W. C. Fields

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”
 Oscar Wilde

“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”
 Henny Youngman

“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”
 Robert Benchley

“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”
 Yogi Berra

“A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”
 Walter Bagehot

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
 Zig Ziglar

“It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.”
 Harry S. Truman

Funny Quotes Gym

Funny Quotes Gym
Funny Quotes Gym

“Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.”
 Woody Allen

“It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.”
 Harry Hill

“Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.”
 Yakov Smirnoff

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”–
Yogi Berra

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
 Winston Churchill

“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”
 W. C. Fields

“We are all here on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know.”
 W. H. Auden

“Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”
 Wilhelm II

“I hate women because they always know where things are.”

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
 W. C. Fields

“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”–
Thomas Sowell

Funny Quotes Boyfriend

Funny Quotes Boyfriend
Funny Quotes Boyfriend

“Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.”
Thomas Szasz

“I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”
 Tom Lehrer

“Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.”

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
 Steven Wright

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
 Winston Churchill

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“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’”
 Sydney J. Harris

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
 Mark Twain

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”
 Will Rogers

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
 Theodore Roosevelt

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
 Thomas A. Edison

“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”–
Steve Irwin

“Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.”
 Jessica Simpson

“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
Steven Wright

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”
 Ann Landers

“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”

Funny Quotes On Girls

Funny Quotes On Girls
Funny Quotes On Girls

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”
 Woody Allen

“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.”
 Oscar Wilde

“Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.”
 Stephen Colbert

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
 Robin Williams

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”
 Rodney Dangerfield

“When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.”
 Norm Crosby

“The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.”
 Reinhard Bonnke

“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”
Stan Laurel

“If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help.”
Richard D. Wolff

“When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.”
 Richard Lewis

“I can resist everything except temptation.”
 Oscar Wilde

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“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
 Navjot Singh Sidhu

“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”
 George Bernard Shaw

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”
 Robert Bloch

“The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.”
 Nicolas Chamfort

“All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.”
 Robert Breault