55 Funny Michael Scott Quotes to Ease Your Day at the Office

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The Office Michael Scott Quotes
The Office Michael Scott Quotes

Michael Gary Scott is the best fictional character on NBC’s The Office and portrayed by Steve Carell and based at David Brent from the British account of the program. 55 Funny Michael Scott Quotes to Ease Your Day at the Office.

Michael is the primary character of the series, working as the Regional Manager of the Scranton branch of a paper distribution company, known as Dunder Mifflin Inc. from seasons 1–7.

However, he briefly leaves Dunder Mifflin to form the Michael Scott Paper Company with Pam Beesly and Ryan Howard toward the end of the 5th season and gives a co-managerial place with Jim Halpert during a 6th season arc from “The Meeting” to “The Manager and the Salesman.” At the end of the 7th season, he offers to HR representative Holly Flax.

He moves to Colorado to take care of her aging parents, leaving the manager position to Deangelo Vickers in “Goodbye, Michael,” to Andy Bernard in season 8, after Vickers becomes brain dead, and finally to Dwight Schrute in season 9.

Michael Scott Quotes

Read 55 Funny Michael Scott Quotes to Ease Your Day at the Office. Those quotes about The Office, Life, Leadership, Love, Friends, Work, Toby

The Office Michael Scott Quotes

The Office Michael Scott Quotes
The Office Michael Scott Quotes

“Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”

“I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.”

“I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”

“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”

“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”

“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.”

Michael Scott Quotes About Life

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“Michael Scott: Yes. Of course. What’s this in reference to?”

“I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.”

“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”

“I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

“Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack. Not crack the drug.”

“I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon.”

Michael Scott Quotes Wayne Gretzky

Michael Scott Quotes Wayne Gretzky
Michael Scott Quotes Wayne Gretzky

“Bros before ho**. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They’ve got your back after your hoe rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho*. And you told her she was the only ho* for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then, suddenly she is not your ho* no mo.”

“When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn’t even talk yet.”

“Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”

“I say dance, they say ‘How high?'”

“No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.”

Michael Scott Quotes On Leadership

Michael Scott Quotes On Leadership
Michael Scott Quotes On Leadership

“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”

“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.”

“I’m making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment. Is that dishonest? Well, think of it this way: when you look in the mirror and you see your push-up bra and your fake eyelashes and your make-up and your press-on nails; the principles that I am applying to the office are the same ones that have made Lady Gaga a star… or any number of drag queens.”

“I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail. I feel like I’m dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Scream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy and then the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. I learned a lot of lessons from that movie, this is just one of them.”

Michael Scott Quotes About Love

Michael Scott Quotes About Love
Michael Scott Quotes About Love

“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”

“I am Beyonce, always.”

“I’m sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!”

“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday. ”

“I had a great summer. I got west nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it… ”

“You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley! ”

Michael Scott Quotes About Friends

Michael Scott Quotes About Friends
Michael Scott Quotes About Friends

“I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. ”

“You may look around and see two groups here: white collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind. ”

“He’s not the worst. Okay? He’s not the worst. You know who’s the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy. Remember? That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though. ”

“When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn’t even talk yet.”

Michael Scott Quotes About Work

Michael Scott Quotes About Work
Michael Scott Quotes About Work

“I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it’ll suck.”

“How to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.”

“That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.”

“Oh, this is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest… that’s what she said.”

“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”

“I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.”

“If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.”

“Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.”

Michael Scott Quotes Inspirational

Michael Scott Quotes Inspirational
Michael Scott Quotes Inspirational

“If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus…Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.”

“Yes it is true! I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. I need a username and I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”

“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”

“I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?”

“Oh, look! A Sbarro. My favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice!”

“It’s never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn’t have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives. It’s comfort food, alright?”

Michael Scott Quotes About Toby

Michael Scott Quotes About Toby
Michael Scott Quotes About Toby

“Oh God, my mind is going a mile an hour.”

“Well, well, well, how the turntables.”

“You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to? ”

“It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore. ”

“It’s not like booze ever kil*** anyone”

“Well, happy birthday Jesus. Sorry that your party’s so lame.”

“I hate so much about the things you choose to be.”

“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”